Mental Suicide
by BlackenedDeath666
Summary: A twisted tale of love between two Titans. Except behind her violet eyes lies a tragic secret.Can he save her before her mind eats her allive? Bb/Rae This is my first ever fan fiction so please be kind. i will accept any and all comments and or criticisms
1. Chapter 1

Mental Suicide

Chapter 1 Theatre of Pain

As usual, Raven sat alone in her dark room with the only light provided by a small lamp on her nightstand. And as usual she was reading one of her many seemingly ancient books, but she grew tired of it and decided to select another one. So, she got up, tossed aside her previous selection, and casually walked over to her massive bookcase. Upon reaching it her violet eyes skimmed the titles and at last she noticed one with a suitable title. The book Raven had selected was called, "The Covenant of the Family" by Jonathan Lafey. Raven then returned to her bed and immediately began to read.

"_It was a most fateful day on the evening of the sixth day of June,1606 as Abigail was marched from her cold cell to the center of town. As Abigail was marched through the town the villagers pointed and laughed at her and snickered behind her back, whilst making rude comments about her physical appearance. She looked no different then she did on any other day. Abigail was merely dressed all in black including her magnificent black silky hair. As she was tied up to a large wooden stake, the villagers had gathered to witness her last moments on this earth. Before she was set ablaze, Abigail was being told of the crimes for which she had been falsley accused of. In short, she was a witch based on appearance and by her rather creepy demeanor. Immediately following this Abigail _

_was set afire. Before she died, Abigail swore revenge on those who had falsely accused her of these outrageous and ridiculous crimes and that one day they will suffer. For they had no concrete evidence against her and simply judged the dark girl based on first impressions. Sadly, this is how the world treats outcasts, maybe not as severely as burnination, but degradation and neglect mixed with ignorant conceptions surely can cause the same result. For people will always hate what is different, fear that which they do not understand, and discard those who are contrary to mainstream society."_

Raven set her book down as a wave of tears threatened to flood her porcelain face and she immediately suppressed them as if by force of habit. Raven then whispered, "_nobody has a goddamn clue as to how lonely I am…"_

She then slowly reached into her nightstand drawer and pulled out a razor sharp, sleek pocket knife. The lonely teen with blade in hand, sliced open her wrist and gazed at the blood flowing forth from her gash. Raven winced and gave a sickened smile at this all too familiar pain as she further mutilated her opposite wrist, distracting from her mental anguish, which is what she aimed for. Her crimson blood stained her cloak which was laid out underneath her like a tarp so as to sop up the mess she made. Raven then dried her wounds and examined all of the other cuts running up each arm from her wrists to her elbows. This is what Raven did when she was alone, she'd dwell on her insecurities of not being beautiful enough or good enough and of her deepening depression and then so as not to give in completely to her worthless feelings, she'd cut herself. Raven spilled her blood to forget about all of her inner pain struggling to get out because she wasn't used to feeling so much so fast all of a sudden. She used to be able to just meditate and hide it all away, but ever since the defeat of Trigon, Raven was free to feel as she wants. But unfortunately for the dark empath, this never fully relived her of her bad thoughts and it always gave her more mental shit to worry about. It was truly a sick addiction and there was nothing that Raven could do to stop it. Finally Raven put the knife away and tossed aside her blood stained cloak. All the eerie empath could do was gaze at herself in the mirror that hung above her dresser and curse under her breathe,

"_You piece of shit! You are a worthless maggot suckling on the teat of life! Nobody in this goddamn tower even gives a shit about your worthless existence, especially not __**him**__."_

And as Raven almost silently said this, her thoughts were instantly turned to Beastboy, as they often were. Oh how Raven adored her green comrade, especially how he **always** turns his full attention to her whenever she enters a room no matter what he's doing. It always made Raven feel special and needed, even if he usually just had some lame joke for her or wanted her to play video games with him. Raven always seemed agitated and quite frequently treated him pretty badly, but that was only to hide the fact that she cared for him deeply. Still Raven was an asshole to him and she knew it, sadly enough, she managed to drive away the only ray of sunshine in her life and that was another reason she cut herself. To try and hide from the fact that Beastboy will never love her and that thought made Raven feel lonely as hell…

"_YOU ASSHOLE!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!" _Was all that Raven managed to get out as she collapsed onto her bed and burst into tears. All of a sudden, all of the pent up sadness and anguish she felt about him came exploding to the surface and as the lonely girl cried her eyes out, all she could do was think of something that could never be. Raven reflected on how long she had felt this way about him. She finally concluded that ever since she first joined the Titans she developed a sort of crush on him, but back then she couldn't show emotions and thus was forced to admire her love from afar and suppress everything she felt about him, which is why she always made dry remarks to him and resisted his obvious attempts to win her over. Raven felt sorry, sorry for herself and most importantly, sorry for pushing away the one she loved the most and she realized that he must hate her now. That made Raven cry even harder and she pulled out the sleek blade once more and found an unharmed portion of skin on her arm and sliced it up. It was al she had left now, self mutilation, because she didn't want to kill herself, at least not yet. She felt like shit yes, but she hadn't hit rock bottom yet and she greatly feared what _that _would feel like, because if she felt this ripped up inside and there was a ways to go, well she didn't want to go there! But eventually exhaustion took over and Raven fell asleep amongst a rather putrid mix of blood and tears, but she didn't care because as soon as she closed her tired eyes, she fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2 A Rude Awakening

Chapter 2

A Rude Awakening

Authors Note:

**DISCLAIMER: I do not in anyway own the Teen Titans. I do not own the song in italicized bold print that song is "Like a Bird" by Black Label Society" Zakk owns it, not me**

Anyway thanks for all those who have read and reviewed! Now own to chapter 2!!!

It was six a.m, Saturday and Beastboy couldn't sleep. This was rather unusual for him because he ordinarily stayed up late so he could sleep late. "_I haven't been up this early on a Saturday since I was a kid." _Grumbled Beastboy silently to himself. But then a sinister voice from deep inside of him replied sharply: "_But you still are a kid and with all of your immature tendencies it's no wonder nobody respects you!" _

"_Whoa! Where did that come from?" _Beastboy stupidly wondered to himself because he knew that voice all too well. It was the screeching banshee that kept him up late at night that forced him to walk in the halls of all his insecurities and whispered in his ear all the bad thoughts he never wanted to hear. For you see Beastboy and Raven aren't that different, they've both had terrible childhoods, a lack of proper parental love, and have been betrayed by someone they loved. {Terra and Malchior} Plus they both hide away all of their secret pain and depression behind a mask of sanity. Granted in two different ways, but the same none the less. But suddenly the impact of the voice hit him like a train and Beastboy thought sadly,"_That explains why Raven will never love me. I'm just a dumbass little boy that everybody around here has to take care of, like a fucking dog! That's it! I'm not their friend! I'm their goddamn pet! And nobody will ever know that happy-go-lucky Beastboy is all torn to shit on the inside, hiding all his pain and rejection behind an empty smile and a corny joke." _All of this emotional baggage Beastboy has been carrying around since his days with the Doom Patrol and he had hoped that when he joined the Titans that it would all just go away._ "Sometimes I can't help but think that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, all I'll ever receive from Raven is unrequited love. Besides, I'm convinced that she hates me." _As Beastboy said this he immediately pushed aside all other bad thoughts and thought that it would be best to drown out all other negative emotions with the help of some music. So after scrolling through all his artists on his I-Pod the green changeling decided on "Like a Bird" by Black Label Society. As the song played, Beastboy couldn't help but cry silently too himself due to his current mental/emotional state and due to the beauty of the song:

**_I sit back and I close my eyes  
Lookin back at all the lows and all the highs  
Through the black and white and in between  
All the miles ive walked  
The wars ive fought  
And all ive seen_**

**_It all seems like yesterday  
Like a bird, time just flies  
No sooner than you said hello  
Its time, it's time, i's time to say goodbye_**

**_Consumed by worry, stress and fear,  
Never leanring to live  
Weighed down by wondering why we're here  
Collected memories  
All that's in the end  
I guess a sense of peace wasn't meant for some my friend_**

It all seems like yesterday  
Like a bird, time just flies  
No sooner than you said hello  
Its time, it's time, it's time to say goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

It all seems like yesterday  
Like a bird, time just flies  
No sooner than you said hello  
Its time, it's time, it's time to say goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

When the song ended Beastboy dried his tears and decided that since he couldn't sleep, he might as well get something to eat! After listening to that song Beastboy was able to shove down all his shitty feelings and walk tall down the hallway to the main room/kitchen despite the fact that it's much too early for anyone to be there. When he got there he decided to make some tasty pancakes since all of his vegetarian breakfast foods had, "mysteriously disappeared". "_Fuckin' Cyborg" _Beastboy swore in a whisper. As he was preparing his morning meal the door **"**_**swooshed" **_open and in walked Raven at her usual time of 6:30 a.m. As Beastboy turned around, his heart leapt as he saw who it was and as cheerily as possible in his current mental/emotional state said: "_Good morning Raven!" _While giving her a big smile. But Raven immediately sensed that there was something deeply troubling the changeling and replied with "_Good morning Beastboy, is everything okay? _Which was loaded with concern that was matched in her eyes.

_And why are you up so early? _She questioned obviously concerned.

_Couldn't sleep _He replied uncharacteristically monotonous.

_How are you feeling?_

_Feeling? Fine _He lied

_Beastboy, please don't lie to me. _Raven began to worry "_I've never felt such intense emotion off of him before, I hope to Azar he's okay…the dark empath thought to herself._

Now this almost broke Beastboy's heart as he saw the pain in her eyes due to his coldness.

_Raven I'm sorry, it's just that, I…I'm not…uh…_

_Forget about me. You must be hungry I heard your stomach growling and there's plenty of pancakes here for the both of us. Please sit and I'll prepare your tea._

_Okay, thank you very much. _Raven said grateful at his offer and she could see it in his eyes that she was treading on a very fragile subject. So as not to offend the one she secretly loved, she did as he asked. Beastboy set the table with two plates, utensils, syrup and the plate of pancakes as the water came to a boil. Beastboy then asked Raven," _Two teaspoons of sugar, right?" Yes, how'd you know? _Raven questioned nicely. _I've watched you do this like a zillion times, plus I notice that kind of stuff with you"_ Beastboy replied.

_Awwwe!!! That's sooo sweet of him!! _Raven thought to herself as they both dug into their pancakes. When they were finished Raven broke the silence by saying; _"Beastboy thank you for all of this, I greatly appreciate it." No problem, you're worth it. _The changeling replied with his trademark grin. This made Raven feel extra special and she blushed slightly and a small, cute smile crept across her face as she gazed into his emerald eyes. _"I can't believe he's being so nice too me, god he is sooooo cute!!!!!" Raven thought silently to herself. _Beastboy couldn't help but gaze affectionately back into her magnificent violet eyes. Inside Beastboy's heart was doing somersaults at the fact that he hade made _**Raven **_the ice queen of darkness smile!! "_Holy shit!! She-She's smiling! At Me!! Goddamn she's gorgeous!! Maybe I do have a shot with her?" Beastboy hoped to himself._ It was at this precise time that the door _**"swooshed" **_open and in stepped Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg. From the three's point of view all they could see was Beastboy and Raven sitting at the table, thankfully for the pair they _**couldn't **_see them gazing affectionately into each other's eyes. It was Robin who ended this uncomfortable silence by asking awkwardly, "_Uhh…What's going on?_

_Yeeeahh BB, what __**is**__ going on? _Cyborg questioned suspiciously with a stupid grin on his face. _Yes friends please tell us so that we may put an end to the silence that is most uncomfortable! _Quipped Starfire over joyously. Raven blushed hard in great embarrassment but managed to whip her hood up in time for only Beastboy to notice. He then innocently replied with "_Nothin' just eatin' breakfast with Rae"_

_Reeeallly? Is that __**all**__ that's goin' on? _Cyborg suspiciously questioned, again with that stupid grin plastered onto his face.

_Well that and all of my vegetarian food has somehow vanished! _Beastboy replied slightly annoyed.

_O okaay… is there something that you're not telling us, Raven?_ Robin inquired still awkward as hell.

_Yes friend Raven, please do not hide anything from us, unless you __**have**__ in fact done the something. _Starfire asked catching on to what Cyborg was doing.

All poor Raven could do was uncomfortably stammer out "_I uhh… uhh…"_ In total embarrassment with a mortified look in her eyes. Beastboy quickly picked up on Raven's total fear and instant insecurities and jumped in with; _"Hey! Leave Raven alone! Neither she nor I have done anything wrong here, all we're doing is having some breakfast, which the last time I checked, was legal! And what's with the sudden third degree here? Haven't you noticed how deeply uncomfortable Raven feels right now-or in any of these types of situations for that matter!! So why don't you just back off and leave Raven alone!" _With that said Beastboy gave a smile and a wink to Raven and agitatedly shook his head at his other three friends and marched out of the room in the direction of his own. Utterly flabbergasted at Beastboy's sudden outburst, the three sheepishly apologized to Raven, who just nodded at them and left the room. "_Geeeeeze!! Never thought the little grass stain would get __**that**__ bent out of shape from not eating some crappy tofu! _Cyborg exclaimed after a few silent moments. It was at this time that Robin said;

"_Goddamnit Cyborg,!" _In a comically exasperated tone while Starfire looked at both of them with much confusion.


End file.
